She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
