Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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