Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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