i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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