apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
