pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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