last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
