Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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