Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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