I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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