I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
