I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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