um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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