Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
