dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
