remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
