His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
