guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
