i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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