There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
