I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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