between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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