dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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