It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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