we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
