i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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