someone threw a dead crab at me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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