I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
