i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
