I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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