I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They took my balls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
