A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
