I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
