Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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