Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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