Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
