Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
