I'm lost and stupid without you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
