I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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