shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
