dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
