She's JV to your varsity
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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