If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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