i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
