is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
