My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
