Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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