How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
