giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
