K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
