does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
