I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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