Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize