Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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