so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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