physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
