So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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