i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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