I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
