You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
