Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize