um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
