hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if only i could text you this smell
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
