i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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