hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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