If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize