The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
